Lift My Life Up

I didn’t need an alarm this morning. Who would, with an army of butterflies holding their guts hostage? All summer I've wondered what waking up today would feel like. Would the world move in slow motion? Would I be full of self-doubt? Sheer excitement? Absolute panic? Complete confidence in God? After all the wondering, and regardless of the butterflies, it’s finally the morning that I leave! (And it includes all of the above.)

"Are you scared?" everyone has asked me. (I don't know, am I?) 

"Mostly just excited," I usually say.

"You're going to thrive!" 

"You'll do great!" 

"The kids are gonna love you!" 

"Best year of your life!" 

People have filled me to the brim with encouragement and expectation, but the reality is hitting that I am naïve, utterly unprepared, and muy incompetente en español (no offense to high school Spanish, Duolingo, or Spanish worship music). 

So. 

How did I get here? 

What makes a college freshman who’s loving her first year at Southern decide to take the next year off? Especially when she thinks that she'll be the only one of her friends to do so? The answer is God. Obviously. And His use of my upbringing, environment, and sense of adventure. 

Missions and travel have been a huge part of my life thanks to my parents. On a high school mission trip to Kenya, I desperately wanted to stay. I hated leaving just as I fell in love with the people and places and began to feel connected to both. This has been a characteristic feeling of all the mission trips I go on. But in Kenya, the realization hit me that in a few years I could go and stay longer. I decided then that I would spend a year in college as a student missionary. Period. 

Then I got to Southern, thrown in the deep end with general biology and on track for a busy, amazing four years. After finding 10/10 friends and realizing how much a year away would set me back, I decided to go for just a semester. Surely that was enough, right God? Wrong.

I talked out my new plan with people I thought would tell me a single semester was smarter. But even my academic advisor agreed with my idealistic high school self. "What's the rush? This is the only time in your life you’ll be able to take a year off for mission!" I went to the SM interview still saying I wanted to go for a semester, but they, too, encouraged a year. This time for the orphans' sake. I went back to my dorm room and prayed. Hard. That sealed the deal. A year it is!

After I committed, God began to show me that He was going to bless me immensely. (Lesson one: seek Him first and everything else will be added to you.) In fact, many of my close friends have ended up deciding to go SM or study abroad this year! I won't be the only one graduating later! Then I found out that one of my best friends, Emilianne, is coming with me! Thank You, Lord, for even giving me an adventure buddy!

How did I choose to go to Familia Feliz, Bolivia? 

I was scrolling through Southern's SM call list over Fall Break and praying. I specifically asked God for an orphanage or a school. I want to work with kids. Preferably lots of them. I also asked God if I could go somewhere that spoke Spanish. As I looked, I saw a Spanish-speaking orphanage and school. Boom. Bolivia it is!

What will I be doing?

Funny you should ask. I'm not really sure myself! In all honesty, the job description of a student missionary is pretty fluid, so I guess we'll find out specifics together! In the meantime, I can say that I have signed up to serve at an orphanage and school called Familia Feliz in Rurrenabaque, Bolivia. I will be there for nine months and will most likely be a "house parent" of several girls, a teacher at the school (yes, classes are taught in Spanish), and wearer of many hats, which may include fundraiser, marketer, Wi-Fi installer, farmer, Pathfinder director, Sabbath school teacher, musician, tutor, cook, and who knows what else! As the orphanage director put it, “Plans in Bolivia change like the weather!” 

What is motivating me?

Isaiah 6:8,9 says, "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?' Then I said, 'Here am I! Send me.' And He said, 'Go...'" 

When a verse speaks to me as directly and personally as this one does, it would be wrong for me to ignore it. 

As Bob Goff says, “There’s a big difference between waving at Jesus and following Him.”

I’ve been praying The Prayer of Jabez from 1 Chronicles 4:10, especially that God “expand my territory” — enlarge my sphere of influence and take me to bigger places for Him. I pray that His “hand would be with me,” that He “would keep me from evil,” and “that I may not cause pain.”

My heart’s biggest desire is to make a difference in someone’s life, to be a channel for God’s effervescent love. He has put it in my heart to do small things with great love in a place where love is life-changing.

It's true, too, that I find adventure to be one of life's most appealing offerings. And it's true that I feel closest to God when I'm out of my comfort zone, serving Him and relying on His miracles. Bolivia provides opportunities for both. 

I can't help but think, "If not now, when? If not you, who?" 

What do I expect?

Expectations are funny things. Some people say to set them high. Others say to set them low. Still others recommend having none at all. My expectations for this year in Bolivia all blur in my mind, like an abstract painting with lots of colors but no real image. I have a lot of ideas about how things will go down, what sort of things I'll do, what kind of SM I'll be, and how much I'll learn and grow as a Christian. All these are colors splashed across the canvas of my mind, but I can’t quite make out exactly what the painting depicts.

For better or worse, I have a lot of personal expectations for this year. I want to see myself overcome complicated situations with the kids, develop a lifestyle of flexibility, be an adored role model and teacher that brings them to Jesus, make a difference in at least one person's life, become (nearly) fluent in Spanish, and see my own spirituality and character grow. Don't laugh. I know it's a lot.

I also am expecting the hardest year of my life. And I don't even know what that means yet. I expect to have all my buttons pushed, to endure tropical heat (I generally loathe heat), to be lonely and misunderstood, to miss my home and family and friends, to learn to maximize limited resources, to do what is needed instead of what I think I’m “qualified” for, to do laundry in a river, to look like a mess 83% of the time, and to deal with tarantulas (don't get me started). 

Quite a colorful abstract “mind painting.”

But all of the above is a great big adventure! And when God is the miracle-working Adventure Guide asking, "Who will go?" what can I say but, "Here I am. Send me!"?

One of my favorite songs is “Lift My Life Up,” and it begins,

You brought me this far

So why would I question You now?

You have provided

So why would I start to doubt?

I've never been stranded,

Abandoned or left here to fight alone

So I'm giving You control

I lift my life, lift my life up

I give it all in surrender

I lift my heart, lift my heart up

You can have it forever

All my dreams, all my plans

Lord, I leave it in Your hands

I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way in me

🤍

If you've endured my verbosity and made it this far, thanks for reading! And thanks for supporting me as I take off! I hope to use this blog to reassure you that I’m alive and to share things I experience, lessons I learn, and especially smiles and sun: Sonrisas y Sol.

Love & hugs,

Katie-Jane

“Whew. Big task. Thankfully for us: big God.”

— Jennie Allen

“Courage is not about knowing the path. 

It is about taking the first step. 

Some call it courage; 

some call it foolish; 

I call it faith.” 

— Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie

“What if, just beyond that risk, just beyond the fear,

is a life better than anything we have ever imagined: 

life to the fullest.”

— Kisses From Katie