Legos

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127:1)

I’ve never had to build a house before, neither literally nor in the structuring-the-way-kids-live-their-lives-under-my-roof sense. The most building I’ve done was playing with Legos as a kid, which my sisters can tell you I didn’t do a whole lot of. However, since December 4, I’ve been a house constructor, so-to-speak.

Building Blocks

“Tag, I’m it!” I thought that Sunday morning after hanging up a homemade goodbye banner. The letters spelling “Vamos a extrañarte T. Abi” (“We’re going to miss you, Teacher Abi”) swung suspended through the kitchen of Las Lilas. My co-parent — the one who literally changed the game for these girls, the Bolivian who understood them culturally and verbally, the strong woman whose disciplinary skills allowed for love in the midst of an almost-too-well-ordered home — was only a year-long volunteer. I fought the urge to beg her to stay, to be afraid of being so alone. “¡Caio!” we all yelled and waved as she drove away in the white van. Suddenly, her house that I stepped into to assist in August became my house.

Having the ability to make my space my own is a game-changer. I rearranged my bedroom, re-organized my stuff, took down a dry-rotted rice bag from the window and asked Treson to screen it in, moved the kitchen stove outside, cleaned the fridge, and sorted all our utensils and such. To be able to touch stuff and move it without feeling like I’m invading is a liberation I didn’t know I’d enjoy!

Small changes have made big differences, like the redistribution of chores and allowing the SM guys to eat meals or hang out with us — a personal rule of Abi’s I didn’t find necessary; the girls love their teachers and need positive male interaction. Also, now we’ll eat when the food is hot and then have worship after, the reverse of serving it first and watching it get cold, taunting us as we hurry through worship.

My favorite thing to build here will be the house worships: instead of hymns and devotional books read (painfully slowly) by my girls for both morning and evening culto, I want the house moms to read or present something engaging. I want to build a love for worship in these girls’ hearts, not dread, drudgery, or routine. That’s why my first evening worship was unboxing a nativity set as we read the Christmas story, successfully capturing their attention. I have Bible story felts that will go to good use, a big new whiteboard for Bible Pictionary, craft and colors, picture story books, 28 Fundamental Belief books, Bible study packs, and Bible story videos up my sleeve!!

Stepping on Legos

“Usted aprende rápido,” (“You learn fast”) Milenca announced as she swung my hand in hers as we walked along. “Usted no sabía nada en el primero,” (“You didn’t know anything at first”) she laughed. En verdad. She was referencing my Spanish-speaking, but honestly it was everything that I needed to learn. I am so grateful that I had an entire semester to practice and gain rapport in Las Lilas before being let loose! After all, Legos are also notorious for being the worst thing to step on.

The day Abi left was the day Nirza decided to see what she could get away with. Her smirk told me that. So needless to say, she had to erase crayon lines off the newly-painted hallway wall, go on a walk with Emilianne to cool down, take a cold shower with her clothes on when she didn’t wanna change into PJs, and fold all her clothes instead of the three she threw on the ground. I had to dig the soap out from between her little teeth after Soledad called her — and punished her — on her lie about stealing some stickers.

Tuesday was my day off, and it was the day Las Lilas ran Emilianne through the ringer. Nirza cut her hair for the first of two times that week and threw a tantrum at every meal, as a three-year-old does. (A well-meaning adult also incorrectly reported to Melissa how a child was crying unconsoled in Las Lilas and needed intervention lol. Love that.) Soledad learned the truth about her story — one of rejection by family she thought she was taken from — and then took all her hurt and anger out in the form of hatefulness, bossiness, and disrespect to Emilianne and the other girls. Milenca was jealous of all the attention so decided to curl up in a ball and lie in the middle of the field at night.

The SM Christmas party was Tuesday night, too. At first it was scheduled for Wednesday, one day too late; my only potential babysitter on campus was leaving for vacation. I almost cried from the fomo, which has hit me more recently, but then Emilianne swooped in and asked to move it so I could come. However, that night the babysitter didn’t show up, leaving her alone there as I was cooking eggnog on my day off. It all worked out, but was unduly stressful and a little Lego underfoot.

“I’ve never been a mom before now, Sole,” I said as she confronted me on day three of trying to be hers. “I’m only twenty.” Wednesday the girls chilled out, minus a little head-butting on who got to discipline the kids and what style we were changing to. I had to spell it out and she walked out of the conversation. Twice. But after that everything smoothed and the week changed trajectories rapidly. “How long since T. Abi left?” Sole asked me Sunday. “One week today.” “Seems like three weeks!” I know, I thought. We’ve been through three drastic stages since.

Random side note: while there aren’t really Legos here for me to step on (except for the ones Zoro gave them for Christmas), my feet have really been hurting for about a month. The other day as I hopped down from my top bunk, I realized why: I slither out feet first from under my mosquito net and land on the wood side of the bed below me, a couple times a day in the same place. Oops.

Learning to Lego

Lego kits often come with a little orange tool with one flat end to pry too-stuck bricks apart and one end to attach to a too-small brick to lever it off. Lego-removing tools remind me that starting from scratch includes un-learning and letting go.

One of the worst parts about Las Lilas is the fact that it hasn’t had permanent house parents (like Los Leones or Los Hardings do). Soledad alone has experienced over eight different house moms in her time here, and that number will potentially just continue to grow. “It’s one thing to have short-term volunteers play the role of teachers and aunts and uncles; it’s another thing to have them really be the parents,” Melissa sighed to me on Monday. “The attachment issues themselves are horrendous and only worsening.”

Not only is it hard for kids to love someone like a mother and then have them ripped away, it is also challenging for them to experience all the different parenting and punishment styles that comes with that. Melissa wasn’t a fan of the punishment method (or duration of said castigo) Abi used, as effective as they were at getting the desired results of promptness, politeness, independence, and cleanliness. “No more hours standing on a bucket. No more cold showers during a tantrum. No more writing a thousand sentences. This is rehabilitation, not punishment.” After months of being instructed to parent one way, I now can do more of the style I prefer: “time in, not time out,” as Melissa labeled it.

Sticker charts were the method of bribery my mom raised me on. Here, they’re lifesavers. A simple chart with a gift box drawn in the last square provides space for Nirza to put a sticker after she sits tear-free at the table and eats all her food. The older girls first ripped theirs down and announced they weren’t babies, but then sheepishly came in my room the next day and asked for stickers. So now they have to abide by the four house rules to get stickers (“Say please and thank you,” “Obey quickly,” “Don’t whine and complain,” “Love each other like Jesus”). Incredibly transformational.

In Matthew 7:24-25, Jesus said, “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.”

A sandy foundation makes a house collapse because it shifts and changes. Consistency is lacking. It’s the sand of human ideas and parenting methods that can’t build a house. It’s the foundation of rock, The Rock of Salvation, that builds an eternal house.

Picking Up the Pieces

Sometimes the Lego pieces of life include having to clean kitten poop off of supply shelving and girls’ bathroom floors.

Sometimes it’s getting slightly electrocuted when you try to fix their bedroom Christmas lights.

Sometimes it’s cooking only carbs for three weeks, since that’s how long it’s been since any fresh veggies were available.

Sometimes it’s going through an entire roll of toilet paper to blow your nose since you can’t recover from a three-week cold.

Sometimes it’s being able to locate where Treson is on campus by where the cough is coming from.

Sometimes it’s Charlie adopting your favorite kitten, renaming it Shakira, and taking it to live in the Harding House, only to return her two days later and pay regular visits.

Sometimes it’s loaning your phone to Diego to take videos of the Christmas cookie decorating party, even it that makes the Spotify music cease.

Sometimes it’s almost crying happy tears seeing the SM care packages from home and relishing the feeling of hand-written messages.

Sometimes it’s eating way too many pieces of peppermint bark at the Christmas party because it’s peppermint bark.

Sometimes it’s Zoro at your table patiently getting his hair braided.

Sometimes it’s letting your girls stay up till midnight for days in a row or pulling their mattresses into your room to sleep.

Sometimes it’s wearing a toilet paper tie and dancing with Milenca to Pentatonix Christmas.

Usually Lego pieces are small, like leaving a fan running all day to ventilate your room or successfully getting everyone to brush their teeth. The pieces can be in the form of self-care, like asking Sierra to cut your hair. It can be your girls wanting to soak their feet with you and color in their new coloring books.

The small pieces can come together to build bigger memories, like Las Lilas playing, eating, and cookie decorating with Los Leones (temporarily parented by Carlo and Sierra). They can build connection between siblings who live in separate houses. The small pieces coming together can even spread chicken pox to every child who hadn’t had it!

God Builds the House

“We’re God to these kids,” Melissa told me. “What picture of the gospel are we showing them?” The actual weight of not only being mom but representing God could be overwhelming if it wasn’t God Himself carrying everything anyway. And thankfully, He is.

“Her little personality has come out so much,” Emilianne observed after a week with Nirza under our watch. “She’s not as quiet, but she smiles so much more.” Our littlest little has blossomed with the encouragement and enthusiasm poured into her, and I could count the tantrums on less than one hand! Positive reinforcement is where it’s at!

I snuck out of my bedroom this Sunday morning to find Soledad with her two new Bibles spread out on the table in front of the window, lost in concentration. My heart sang as I saw her desire to spend time with God grow. Lisiane bought her a bilingual Bible for Christmas after she’s spent the semester admiring mine. The most beautiful gift. And Nirza is the cutest, asking for her “Libro Grandote” (“really big book”) to sit and pour over, not comprehending a word.

“What’s wild to think is that your impact now could set the trajectory for that house for years,” my mom told me. And that actually terrified while simultaneously thrilling me. Esmeralda, the new house mom moving in in January, will hopefully be the permanent fixture here in Las Lilas that Melissa is hoping for. After living in the Harding house, this quiet single mom wants more to do. She seems to be very sweet and also passive, and in the time she hung out here before Abi left, it seemed that she’ll want to defer to me. If our time keeps going as well as it did this week, establishing these practices long-term would be fantastic.

If I’d done it my way, not much would be built at all, and honestly probably destroyed. But if God continues to move like He so obviously has in the past week, this house will stand.

Build My Life

The wise let God build their life. If He is the Constructor, the Foundation, and the Lego Bricks themselves, that house can’t do anything but stand.

Worthy of every song we could ever sing,

worthy of all the praise we could ever bring,

worthy of every breath we could ever breathe,

we live for You.

Jesus, the Name above every other name,

Jesus, the only One who could ever save,

worthy of every breath we could ever breathe,

we live for You, we live for You.

Holy, there is no one like You,

there is none beside You.